BNR Support – Pest Digest

October 19, 2016February 27, 2017

8 Pest Control Headlines Even We Couldn’t Believe

This article is provided by: Go-Forth Pest and Lawn of Winston-Salem

AND THE HEADLINES ARE:

1.

I would like to think that the zoo officials were sitting around a table during their morning meeting, brainstorming on their lion dilemma, when the janitor walks in. They then turn and look at him and say, “hey Carl, do you still have that dog?“

2.

After further research, because we didn’t believe it at first, this is in fact a REAL thing. The geckos were apparently part of a Russian experiment where they sent fruit flies, mushrooms, and geckos into space. What’s even better is that the Russian’s are continually losing control of this satellite. As a result, when they intermittently do receive a signal from the satellite, they’ve mostly seen geckos…having sex. One small step…?

3.

Just what exactly happened at that McDonald’s? I just hope that it involved a kangaroo running around, socking people in the face while Chicken McNuggets and french fries rained from the skies.

4.

Belligerent squirrel? Do those two words even go together? I hope that the film crew of Cops was there and showed up to a drunken squirrel, throwing beer bottles and yelling derogatory remarks. Meanwhile, this poor helpless man is wailing in the corner, crying, “he only gets like this when he drinks! Don’t arrest him!“

5.

Just a poor Florida man, fighting the good fight.

6.

I feel like if this happens to you, you deserved it. Plain and simple. I also love the background photo of the assailant, simply because he looks like if there were a speech bubble coming out of his mouth it would be saying, “Come at me, bro.“

7.

What? Why? This headline sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, “A horse walks into a liquor store…”

8.

Is this headline even real?! Do wallabies know geometry? Is there something they’re not telling us?! Where did they get access to drugs? SO MANY QUESTIONS!

HAVE YOU COME ACROSS SOME HEADLINES WE MISSED?! COMMENT THEM BELOW!

October 7, 2016February 27, 2017

Meet Diego, The Superhero Swinger Of The Turtle Kingdom

This article is provided by: Raleigh Pest Control

No, you didn’t read that title wrong. The turtle kingdom has literally been saved by divine the power of nymphomania. Well, the turtles of the Galapagos Islands anyway…

All at the hands of a true modern day Romeo (actual name: Diego), whose love for his fellow lady-turtles is being praised by animal conservationists everywhere.

You see, Diego is responsible for fathering over EIGHT HUNDRED offspring with various lady partners. This is truly significant because these turtles in years past, were nearly extinct. Fifty years ago (my man is OVER 100), Diego was one of a species consisting of only three males and twelve females.

This was such a threatening issue, researchers moved Diego from his cushy abode, at the San Diego Zoo, in hopes of encouraging breeding amongst these turtles. And boy did Diego deliver. Nearly 2,000 turtles have been released back into the wild since Diego’s arrival and scientists speculate that Diego alone is responsible for nearly 40% of these.

The source of his appeal? No one is quite sure. But we are willing to bet that when lady turtles look at Diego, they must see something similar to this:

Whatever the reason, it’s working.

The lead Zookeeper of the San Diego Zoo praised Diego by commenting that his record was impressive, “Not just because he sired so many offspring, but he also created competition with rival males that previously showed no interest in the females. Quite possibly the greatest conservation success story for all turtle and tortoise species to date.”

When asked to comment on his own record, Diego (that sly devil), merely replied with this face…

KOWABUNGA DUDE! The Turtle Kingdom thanks you!

September 30, 2016September 30, 2016

Meeky Mouse: Friend or Foe?

Thought pest control was just about insects?! Think again. The topic of pest control has now (somehow) filtered its way into the rap music genre.

For those of you who aren’t privy to the “rap game,” allow me to explain:

Two rappers, The Game and Meek Mill, have made headlines this week because of a beef (definition: to have a grudge or start one with another person. Example: the poetic 50 cent line: Beef you don’t want none, so don’t start none) that began after a dispute over involvement in a robbery.

Apparently, Meek Mill:

alleged that fellow artist, The Game:

was involved in some tomfoolery in a nightclub, that resulted in nearly $300,000 worth of jewelry to go missing.

SCANDAL!

Because, generally people don’t like being accused of involvement in criminal activity, the Game was peeved to say the least. He then lashed out in the most scathing way a rapper can…he dropped a DISS TRACK. And I bet you can guess what it was called (okay, maybe you can’t, but act surprised either way)…

The title of the track is PEST CONTROL (see, it all came full circle). In the track, The Game paints Meek Mill as a rodent called (I literally can’t get over this) MEEKY MOUSE.

Now, I don’t know what is better, the fact that he named the character “Meeky Mouse” or reading numerous news outlets trying to find a PC way to convey the barbed lyrics of the song.

You can find the lyrics: here.

We would type some of them out, but quite honestly we don’t know what half of them mean.

Accompanying the song, The Game also dropped a music video portraying “Meeky Mouse” and what a visual treat it is. As if more shade could not be thrown at this point, the video opens following a pest control technician responding to a call about a rodent. When he enters the home, Meek Mill’s song can be heard in the background right before the technician smashes the rat (Meeky Mouse) with a baseball bat.

And we all looked a little something like this…

But you might be asking…now what?! Is there hope for Meek Mill?! Is his reputation forever unclean?! Only time will tell.

I’m sure we will all be on the edges of our seats, impatiently waiting Meek’s rebuttal. But until that highly anticipated day arrives…

M-E-E, see you real soon! K-Y, why? Because we like you…

M-O-U-S-E

September 15, 2016February 27, 2017

News Anchors Being Attacked By Bugs Is The Best Thing You’ll See All Week

This article is provided by: Lake Norman Pest Control

News Anchors. Most of the time they provide the mundane background noise to which you have your morning coffee or prepare your evening meal. Overly enthusiastic and packed full of terrible jokes, your local news program normally follows a strict script, down to the forced laughter and poorly timed puns, until….it doesn’t. One of the best qualities of the news is that, for our viewing pleasure: IT. IS. LIVE.

If you’re like me, getting most of my local and world news from the internet, you understand that (whether you admit it or not) a part of you watches live television news programs because you’re hoping that you’ll be lucky enough to bear witness to a mess up. Like a ballerina falling in front of a packed house, or the missed shot with seconds on the clock, we are hard wired to enjoy other people’s mild misfortune.

When news anchors start to stumble and fall, we are the spectators around the gladiator arena and we’re out for blood.

In the spirit of giving the people what they want, enjoy these:

FIVE TIMES NEWS ANCHORS LOST IT OVER BUGS ON LIVE TV

This poor girl can’t catch a break. I can’t tell if the locusts are confusing her hair with a nest or if we are actually witnessing one of the seven plagues.

2. Everyone likes to say that they would be brave in the face of adversity, until they aren’t. Not really sure how he’s ever going to face his club racquetball team after that shrill scream.

3. DISCLAIMER: Do not watch this at work, near an elderly person/children, in church, or pretty much anywhere that you don’t want to offend someone.

4. Laugh all you want, but this guy is literally all of us.

5. I actually found out that this is the SECOND time this poor woman has been assaulted by an insect on live TV and is now forced to drink DEET in her morning coffee. She has never been the same…

YOU’RE WELCOME.

So, there you have it, your weekly indulgence of five people tripping on the sidewalk of life while we watch in silent amusement.

I AM.

September 8, 2016March 6, 2017

The Internet Is Freaking TF Out Over A Caterpillar Named “Chicken Nugget”

This article is provided by: Go-Forth Pest Control

A tumblr user by the name of oddity-txt captured the hearts and minds of the natives when he adopted a small caterpillar, that he found on his way to class, and named it “Chicken Nugget.”

But much to his alarm, poor Chicken Nugget, once a proud lime-green caterpillar, began to turn slightly dull in color.

Oddity posted this photo with the caption, “Aaaa he’s turning a duller color… I hope he’s alright.”

Concerned for the well-being of his new caterpillar companion, he turned to the only place that can truly diagnose communicable diseases and bizarre ailments: the Internet. There, in all its wisdom, the Internet revealed that, “apparently Chicken Nugget is a Spicebush Swallowtail and they turn yellow before they pupate.“

And the world breathed a collective sigh of relief.

Completely yellow in color now, Oddity decided it was time to make Chicken Nugget comfortable for his big transformation. Gathering the finest of materials (a stick and some leaves) he made Chicken Nugget what one might mistake for “The Ritz Carlton” of caterpillar dwellings.

The caterpillar ate, drank, and relaxed as he prepared himself for the big transformation and Oddity was there to capture it all.

Even going as far as to, “put on some tunez for him so he can get into the metamorphazone.“

So he waited…

And waited…

And ten days went by…

When one day, upon returning home from school, Oddity found a beautiful black butterfly fluttering around his room…

On the eleventh-day…Chicken Nugget rose and became Chicken Wing.

But, as an adult now, it was time for Chicken Wing to pack his bags and start paying for his own cable…

Oddity made sure he was strong, prepared to brave the big new world, and released Chicken Wing into the wild.

GOODBYE CHICKEN WING. FLY FREE. FLY TRUE. THe internet will never forget you!

September 2, 2016March 6, 2017

Entomologists Rally Behind A 7-Year Old After She Was Bullied For Loving Bugs

This article is provided by: Go-Forth Pest Control

Entomologists are taking no shit when it comes to 7-year old Sophia Spencer, a girl who was being bullied at school for her love of insects.

After moving to a new school in Ontario, Sophia became the subject of ridicule from her new classmates over her love of bugs. Her mother even reports that she was “dragged through the mud” by a group of children because of her insect hobby. One boy even asked to see one of Sophia’s bugs, and after she graciously obliged, he stomped on it and killed it.

Um, what?! Who are these children? We will steal ALL their bicycles!

I mean, come on, look at this adorable little chicken nugget:

“A couple of months ago, Sophia had asked me if she could make a career out of bugs someday, and I told her of course,” Sophia’s mother revealed. Not wanting her daughter to be discouraged by the vile, bottom-feeding little children in her class, Mrs. Spencer wrote to the Entomological Society of Canada for help.

The members of the society sent out the following tweet and the response was overwhelming.

…which garnered immediate attention from the community of insect enthusiasts.

YAAASSS! Schoolyard bullies, BOW DOWN TO QUEEN SOPHIA!

Her mother is nothing but overwhelmed with gratitude toward the scientists who went out of their way for her daughter, “There have been people working in Canada, the Amazon Rainforest, Venezuela, the UK, and USA reaching out to offer support, encouragement and offers to be her pen pal. I know she cannot even grasp the amount of support this has shown but I do and it has truly been a blessing.”

This makes us happier than words can begin to describe!

Stay “weird” Sophia! The scientific community, and we, have your back!

(PS. We were serious about the bicycles, let us know girl…)

August 19, 2016March 6, 2017

Royals Lose Steam After Morale Boosting Mantis Perishes

This article is provided by: Go-Forth Pest Control

The Kansas City Royals, winners of last season’s World Series, have bid farewell to any hopes of reiterating their previous season’s success. However, the reason might surprise you…

Rally Mantis has died.

(We recommend you read the remainder of this post while listening to “In The Arms Of An Angel” by Sarah McLachlan. And because we love you, we’ve provided the LINK HERE)

This is almost as bad as the time Randy Johnson nailed that bird with a 105 mph pitch, giving ornithologists all over the world a collective mass stroke.

Rally Mantis first debuted alongside the Royals after he was discovered lingering in one of the many trash receptacles of Kauffman Stadium. Outfielder, turned brief entomologist, Billy Burns became the unofficial keeper of the mantis, allowing him to ride along on his hat and even sleeping next to the insect (which is a matter we feel needs to be investigated separately).

As the magic of Rally Mantis proliferated the stadium, fans even found themselves moved by his mysterious aura as his presence helped the team go 5-1.

The Royals even bought him a tiny traveling cage, so that he could hit the road with them:

But, despite their best efforts and provision of what was arguably considered “luxury insect housing,” Rally Mantis ascended to the big trashcan in the sky on Friday.

Ed Volquez, the Royals’ pitcher, released this incredibly sentimental and moving statement regarding the passing of the mantis:

“He gone. We need a new one.”

As you can see, emotions are running high.

Below is an emotional tribute to Rally Mantis, posted on the Twitter account of Royals Team Member, Dillon Gee.

Take a Sec and watch this video! Video credit: Danny Duffy. pic.twitter.com/JT4745RgeC

— Dillon Gee (@DillonGee35) August 13, 2016

Although RM is gone, the Royals will not go quietly into that good night. In a recent turn of events, the ballplayers have taken the stance of Volquez and procured a “new one.”

Rally Mantis Jr., a new praying mantis, joined the team this week and its members are taking every step to make sure he’s here to stay.

“I want to take care of him,” Burns said. “He’s part of our team now.”

You can find Rally Mantis Jr. enjoying his new home in the Royals’ dugout. But, will he bring about the same good fortune as his predecessor?

Only time, our fickle friend, will tell.

August 12, 2016September 28, 2016

Demon Mummy Dog Unearthed In Siberia

A group of Siberian diamond miners were “mining” their own business this past week, doing their diamond mining thing, providing the jewelry counters of the world with dazzling dinero, when they stumbled upon…

**Disclaimer– Don’t click below if you’re currently: driving a car, drinking coffee, performing surgery, helping an old lady across the street, or holding a child…**

[showhide type=”clicktoreveal”][/showhide]

Ahhhhhhh!

(Pausing so you can provide medical attention to anyone who may need it)

No, it’s not a demon dog that has crawled up from the Underworld to bring about the end of days. Actually, no one quite knows what it is. Scientists are currently studying the specimen, which was found near the town of Udachny, in hopes of uncovering clues that point to the species of origin. Personally, I like to imagine a group of very important looking experts (all with far too many credentials for one person) standing around looking like this:

For now, the miners are speculating that it is some sort of unidentified dinosaur, other townspeople are considering it a negative omen. The latter is even more ironic considering the name of the town in which it was found, literally translates into “lucky.”

What we do know is that some naysayers are claiming that it is simply a wolverine, sable, or marten (which are common in the area) that was mutated by being trapped in sediment for such a long period of time.

The fact that the creature is so well-preserved is because Siberia is freezing, literally. The temperatures are currently at a staggering -34 degrees Fahrenheit. Whatever it is, has also been there a while; the sand that the animal was found in dates back as far as 252 million years ago.

Get this, until an official conclusion can be made you don’t need to go to a secret government lab to view the demon dog. No, you just need to take a peek inside one local’s freezer. We aren’t kidding.

But, I’ll let you in on a little secret. You know, because we’re friends. I have actually found a photo of the creature from when it was alive. Dun dun dunnnnnnn!

Only click if you’re totally okay with shedding your identity and entering witness protection from this day forward:

[showhide type=”pressrelease”][/showhide]

Okay, okay….

You caught me. It’s just a photo of the winner of the World’s Ugliest Dog competition.

Made you look!

July 28, 2016August 4, 2016

It’s Been A Year Since #DeadRaccoonTO, But We Will Never Forget

#DEADRACCOONTO

This post is a tribute to Conrad, the brave and silent hero we all never knew that we needed.

If you don’t know, Conrad (as affectionately named by citizens of Toronto) was literally a dead raccoon, found on the downtown streets of Canada’s largest city, whose presence, in some weird and hilarious turn of events, began a social media firestorm.

This July marks the year anniversary of #DeadRaccoonTO and to honor Conrad, and keep his legacy alive, we’ll do a quick highlight of his rise to social media stardom.

9am:

A man named Jason tweets to Toronto Animal Control that there is a dead raccoon on the sidewalk and Animal Control responded, also via tweet (whoa, 21st century!):

“Thank you for letting us know. This was reported a short while ago and Animal Services has been notified.”

So, Conrad was resigned to lay there, man-bits exposed, until his imminent removal from the sidewalk until….

12pm:

In a strange turn of events, someone left a note by the raccoon’s lifeless carcass:

It reads: “Rest dear Raccoon. Help is on the way from the city.”

2PM:

Conrad’s body still lay strewn on the sidewalk and more condolences began to appear. Including a rose and sympathy card, with attached Sharpie for people to write messages.

Which, naturally, they did…

Some Time Later:

In the most bizarre and entertaining chapter of this narrative: SOMEONE PRINTED A REGAL PORTRAIT OF A RACCOON, FRAMED IT, AND PUT IT BESIDE CONRAD.

Be still my beating heart. This is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Not only did this person see the raccoon, THEY TOOK THE TIME TO GO AND PRINT A PHOTO (assuming that they just didn’t have one on hand), AND FRAMED IT.

I mean, the citizens of Toronto are truly winning at everything.

Also, As all of this is occurring….:

As all of this is occurring, Conrad and the hashtag #DeadRaccoonTO are garnering a good amount of attention on social media.

The sender of the original tweet, Jason, had come back by and noticed that the raccoon had not been removed and sent an additional tweet:

“Toronto It’s now after 3 pm and I guess Animal Services hasn’t been by, because someone’s having some fun now”

This caught the attention of City Council Member, Norm Kelly, who tweeted:

“Please have staff pick up this raccoon at 819 Yonge St.”

And when Animal Control STILL hadn’t picked up the body, fired off this sassy tweet:

“Residents are being asked to keep their green bins open tonight in honour of #DeadRaccoonTO.”

The hashtag exploded with responses:

“I don’t really understand how the magic that is #DeadRaccoonTO is happening, but it is fantastic that our city can come together for this.”— @sachasayan

“sleep well my sweet prince, people loved you and remember you #deadraccoonto”-@heyhahn

“Someone has added a donation box beside the dead raccoon. #DeadRaccoonTO”— @KrisReports

11PM

AND FINALLY, after nearly fourteen hours of lying strewn on the sidewalk, Animal Control arrived to remove Conrad…

But not before everyone had a chance to say goodbye in a way befitting of the glue that pulled Toronto together…

A candlelight vigil.

#RIP CONRAD. GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN.

July 21, 2016September 2, 2016

10 Rock n’ Roll Songs That Are Totally Bugged Out!

If you’re like me, the only association that you ever made between insects and rock n’ roll were the roach motels that leather pant donning rockers frequented because they didn’t want to smash up their own VCR sets.

But did you know that there are literally hundreds of rock songs whose content and namesakes are inspired by insects? Yeah, neither did I.

For the sake of saving you from perusing the internet for hours in search of these speaker blowing ballads (because you’re TOTALLY interested and because I really have nothing better to do), I compiled a list of ten insect inspired songs by bands that have achieved moderate to “sign my boob!” success.

And they are…

1.AC/DC: Fly on the Wall

What is a list about rock n’ roll if you don’t mention AC/DC?! I hope you appreciate that incredibly realistic (ha!) fly cartoon buzzing around the screen as much as we did. (PS. Was the point of this video and the presence of camera trench-coat man totally lost on anyone else?)

2.Aerosmith: Joanie’s Butterfly

I’ll give you a second to wipe those tears from your eyes after you listen to such a moving (sure, that’s the appropriate adjective, right?) ballad. I’m sorry if you like this song. I’ll give Aerosmith credit where credit is due (that song from the movie Armageddon was the absolute anthem of prepubescent school dances), but this song kinda blows.

3.Alice Cooper: Earwigs to Eternity

Short, sweet, and with a lot of bizarre vocals: Alice Cooper’s choice to name this song “Earwigs to Eternity” makes just about as much sense as his sense of style.

4.Black Sabbath: Wasp

“Turns your body to a corpse. Turns your body to a corpse. Turns your body to a corpse.” Now, that is some freaking poetry. Thanks Black Sabbath for helping me finally find a background song for my nephew’s birthday slideshow.

5.Dave Matthews: Ants Marching

Okay, I know Dave Matthews isn’t really a “rock n’ roll” band but, after the grey cloud cast over the world by the last song, I thought everyone needed something a little more upbeat. I mean, a bunch of dudes gathering around to like, totally jam out is like, totally super sweet bro.

6.Jimi Hendrix: Hornets Nest

This song sounds like my emotions and subsequent flee/chase montage that ensues after encountering a hornets nest IRL.

7.Pearl Jam: Red Mosquito

I don’t like mosquitoes either, Pearl Jam, but maybe if you’d take that wad of cotton out of your mouth that you seem to be singing through, your point could be communicated a little more clearly.

8.Rolling Stones: Spider and the Fly

This song is about chasing tail. Plain and simple. Apparently Confucius wrote the songs Wikipedia page stating, “By the end of the song, one is left wondering which person is the spider and which is the fly.” Okay. The Stones have only ever preformed this song on tour twice, so that alone should tell you something…

9.Smashing Pumpkins: Bullet with Butterfly Wings

Be still my teenage angst beating heart. This song is by no means Beethoven’s 5th but, my moody, self-involved teenage self will always have a place for it in her ice-cold heart.

10.U2: The Fly

Welcome to the Bono show. Does U2 even have other members? I don’t know the guy, and I know he does a lot of charity work, but I just feel like he’s a guy who might refer to himself in the third person. No one wants to be that guy…

Thanks for reading, rocking, and reminiscing. We’ve already called the ambulance because we know your mind has just been blown. Until next time, stay crazy kids.

**MIC DROP**